Reader’s Write: Change Is a Four (Nope, Five) Letter Word

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By Jan Zuehlke, Ph.D.

Change—a five-letter word with a four-letter feeling. It is the nature of human beings to resist change. In fact the minute we are born we start crying about changing from our mother’s womb out into a big, sometimes cold, world. As we go through the various stages of life, we have to endure many changes along the way if we are to survive and thrive.  Some of us are risk takers and love change, while others need to reflect and process the repercussions of change.

In the simplest terms, change means to become different. What a simple definition for a process that is so difficult for some of us to do. It is not human nature to become different without a struggle because to become different requires us to look at ourselves objectively. I have always resonated with the ideas that the only people who like change are wet babies, and people change in their own way and on their own day.

What we know is that when change occurs in any organization, family, or institution, everyone goes back to zero—and everyone in the organization, family or institution has to travel through the stages of change to become productive again.

The first of these stages is called, “Forming,” or better put the “I can’t believe this is happening to me” stage. This is often where we resist change the most, and as a result feel the most pain. In the next stage, “Storming” people act from their discomfort and become difficult, often creating disagreements with others. What we need to remember here is that it is okay to agree to disagree, especially in the midst of change.

The third stage, “Norming” is often the longest and most difficult stage because this is where decisions are made and confrontation skills are necessary. Also, this is when consensus takes place. The fourth and final stage is “Performing,” which could be called the “I’d rather fight than switch” stage. Yet, this final stage is where it all clicks, the change can be integrated and everyone is working and pulling the load together.

So when faced with change or difficult decisions in life remember, “you can’t mandate what matters” to someone else. Each of us works through change in a unique way, and no matter how much we may resist it, change is inevitable. That’s why we must always remember to view change as a continual journey—not a destination.

With more than four decades of experience in educational instruction and leadership, Jan Zuehlke, Ph.D. is a Total Wellness coach and speaker. She resides in Willis, Texas and can be reached at: jan@tools2change.net.

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